I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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