Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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