Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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