i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
