dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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