Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
