OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
