Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
