I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
