I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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