are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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