he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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