you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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