tell your sister to shave her snatch
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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