In America we eat man semen.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
