I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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