What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
