24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
