So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
