I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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