doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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