We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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