dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
