Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
