I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
