Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
