She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What a dumb baby whore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
