One girl and one boy is just not enough.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
