I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
