Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
