hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
