You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
