i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
