hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
