Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
