so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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