The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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