Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
