I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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