On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Farmville is her only friend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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