I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
