Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
