What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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