Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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