is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
