my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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