OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
