i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
