Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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