Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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