You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
