I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
